Favorite Christmas Picture Books

Before I take these back to the library, here is a short review of some of our favorite Christmas picture books, in no particular order:

Tree of Cranes by Allen Say: a Japanese mother surprises her young son by teaching him about Christmas.

Good King Wenceslas by John M. Neale & Tim Ladwig: Esther wanted me to read this one every night.  It is the lyrics of the classic song set to illustrations.  She preferred the sung version.

Apple Tree Christmas by Trinka Hakes Noble: A story of a young artist and the winter she realized how well her father knew and loved her.

My Prairie Christmas by Brett Harvey & Deborah Kogan Ray: a pioneer family's first Christmas on the prairie, away from their family in Maine.  Reminiscent of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

 Christmas Day in the Morning by Pearl S. Buck and Mark Buehner: The story of a 15 year old boy and how he first realized his father loved him and tried to give him a gift to express his love back.

Winter's Gift by Jane Monroe Donovan: a widower's first Christmas alone and a miracle of love brought by caring for a wild horse.

The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree by Gloria Houston & Barbara Cooney: A little girl and her mother do their best to prepare for Christmas while the father is away fighting in WWI.

An Early American Christmas by Tomie dePaola: a German family brings many new Christmas traditions to a New England town.

Christmas Tree Memories by Aliki: a family gathers around the tree on Christmas Eve discussing the memories sparked by each of their Christmas ornaments.

Capturing Susan Piver's "The Hard Questions for an Authentic Life"

The Hard Questions for an Authentic Life by Susan Piver, 2004

I picked this book up at the library because I'm interested in learning to ask better questions. The one hundred questions that Piver poses here (on Family; Friendships; Intimate Relationships; Work; Money; Creativity; Spiritual Life) did not appeal to me nearly as much, however, as what she said in her Introduction and Afterword.

Piver on living an Authentic Life:
-Your inner world (feelings, values, gifts, needs, spirituality, passions) matches your outer world (job, relationships, home, community).
-Three goals: 1) discover what you can offer to others 2) find and follow your unique path 3) maintain an ongoing, honest, reliable connection to your inner wisdom.
-Authentic living comes as a natural result of being present today, and focusing on the moment.
-It comes from an ongoing inner dialogue based on inquiry and a commitment to listen to the answers that arise.
-It is impossible to plan an authentic life It is only possible to be authentic and watch as your authentic life manifests around you. 
Piver on discovering our inner voice by asking questions:
-Piver's life has been driven by this thought:  Tell me what I should do with my life and I will give everything to it.  Who am I?  Why am I here?  What are my special gifts?  Often, the last place we look for answers to these questions is within.
-It is difficult to distinguish our own thoughts from the thoughts of others; we are profoundly disconnected from what is real, simple, and true for us.  Tapping into our own inner wisdom is difficult.  We long for it, yet we lack the ability to hear ourselves clearly.  When we try to tune in, often the first thing we encounter is others' voices, telling us what life should look like.  Most of us can't separate these voices from our own.  If we listen carefully and take the time to trace each voice back to its root, we can almost always identify the strands.
-We begin to tune into our real voice by asking questions.
-Asking a question can be a sacred act.  If we can simply ask, wonder, and become curious, an opening for an answer will be created.  Questioning is a spiritual practice.  We come into dialogue with God/ our true nature/ wisdom whenever we stop, look inside, and take the time and effort to really listen to ourselves.
-If our questions are a genuine inquiry, reliable answers will emerge.  Listening requires emptiness and receptivity.
-The only reliable way to cultivate presence (awareness, or the ability to observe our own minds) is through a regular contemplative practice, such as meditation, journaling, walking, yoga.  It doesn't matter which practice you choose, but you must set the intention to take time for contemplation and remain consistent with your chosen practice.  Having a daily contemplative practice is like permanently installing a satellite dish outside your house--our inner voice requires an unmoving target to receive its broadcasts.  Spiritual practice creates a steady, reliable way to receive our own wisdom.
-Ask yourself questions every day to keep fine-tuning your ear to the sound of your inner voice.  Come up with a personalized list of questions to help you stay connected with yourself.  Ask them in the morning to make sure your day is launched with consciousness.  Ask them in the evening to review, learn, and summarize what really happened that day. 
Piver's start of the day questions:
What do I need to say today?  To whom?
With whom do I need to connect today?
What would I like to see unfold in my life today?
What can I contribute today?  To whom?  To what?
What can I focus on today that will bring me closer to my authentic life? 
End of the day:
What did I leave unsaid today?
What did I allow myself to feel?  What didn't I allow myself to feel?
What did I love about myself today?  What did I not love about myself today?
What began to unfold in my life today?
What happened today for which I am grateful?
What happened today that wasn't in accord with my highest values?
What did I say, do, think, or feel today that brought me closer to my authentic life?

PG: If anything in here leaps out at you, perhaps you could comment on it, and I will try to respond.  Do you have any questions that you like to ask yourself?

Goldilocks

Am I the only person that is bothered EVERY SINGLE TIME they read Goldilocks and the Three Bears?  First of all, why would anyone walk into another person's house?  I'm afraid to knock on a stranger's door, much less try the knob and let myself in.  Reflecting back on what I learned in abnormal psychology this semester, I'm concerned that Goldi could be on her way to a full-blown case of antisocial personality disorder.  Rules?  Societal conventions?  These things mean nothing to her.

Next.  If Papa Bear's bowl is the biggest, why is his porridge cold?  That makes no sense.  The porridge in the smallest bowl should cool off the fastest, then the medium bowl, and then the biggest bowl.  Papa's porridge, which is always depicted in a giant bowl, should be the hot one, Mama's medium-sized bowl should be just right, and Baby Bear's tiny bowl should be the cold one.

And does Goldilocks weigh that much more than Baby Bear?  I honestly can't imagine a human child being harder on a chair than a bear cub.  I sit on the small chairs at my children's preschool all the time, and I am quite a bit heavier than Goldilocks, and they have never broken, especially not all to pieces.

What do you think of Papa and Mama having separate beds, hmm?  I used to worry about that, but now that I'm not even sharing a room with my spouse, I guess I'd better accept the fact that if one spouse likes a rock hard mattress and the other prefers the sensation of being buried alive, having separate beds makes a lot of sense.  What does not make sense is that, in so many versions of this story, Baby Bear's bed is right there by Papa's and Mama's.  No wonder the little guy has no siblings.

Dream Themes

 I have very vivid dreams and usually remember a great deal from them.  Until yesterday, however, I don't think I'd ever really read much about dreaming.  The book I picked up at the library and couldn't put down is The Universal Dream Key: The 12 Most Common Dream Themes Around the World, by Patricia Garfield, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who has kept her own personal dream journal since she was 14 years old (over 50 years now).  Her first book, Creative Dreaming (1974) was a best seller when it came out, has been translated into 13 different languages, is still in print, and is now considered a classic.  She and five colleagues founded the Association for the Study of Dreams.  She is a dream collector.  She is working toward creating a complete classification of dreams, but acknowledges that this may be several lifetimes away.  She compares this effort, both in scope and importance, to mapping the stars, or the human genome, and sees it as a key to understanding the operation of the human mind.

Garfield used four main sources to come up with what she believes are the 12 most common universal dream themes: her own 50+ years' worth of dream journals; the literature on dreaming; the dreams of people which she has been collecting for more than 35 years; and the 500+ dreams that people around the world have submitted to her website.  The twelve themes are all negative/ nightmarish--she says these are more common than positive dreams because they are more useful in helping us identify and solve problems--but she gives the positive version of each theme as well.  So, are you ready to hear what the 12 themes are?  These are listed in order from most to least common, with the positive version of the theme in parenthesis:

1. Being chased or attacked (being embraced or loved)
2. Falling or drowning (flying, swimming, or dancing joyfully)
3. Being lost or trapped (discovering new spaces)
4. Being naked or inappropriately dressed in public (being well dressed)
5. Being accidentally injured, ill, or dying (being healed, born, or reborn)
6. Being in a natural or man-made disaster (natural beauty, miracles, or rituals)
7. Having trouble taking a test or other poor performance (fine performance)
8. Having trouble with a car or other transport (vehicular pleasure)
9. Missing a boat or some other transportation (pleasant travel)
10.  Having a house or property lost or damaged (house or property improvement)
11. Having trouble operating a telephone or machine (smooth operation)
12.  Being menaced by a spirit  (being guided by a spirit)

She addresses each of these themes in its own chapter, going into great detail about the specific motifs you might see.  For instance, within the theme of natural or man-made disaster, the most common motifs are earthquakes, tidal waves or floods, fires, hurricanes, blizzards or cold, et cetera.  If this is at all interesting to you, I recommend you check this book out and do some more in-depth reading on the themes that you recognize.  She explains techniques to help you move from the negative to the positive versions of your dream themes. 

I feel inspired by her plea that we all make a personal dream journal and start recording our dreams each morning.  I actually have a dream journal that I began keeping in high school or college, but it does not have very many entries and I haven't written in it for a long time.  She gives directions for keeping your journal, including the interesting observation that you will be more able to remember your dreams upon waking if you keep your eyes closed and try to stay in the same position you were in when you awoke.  With your eyes still closed, after you have recorded what you can (writing with your eyes closed, or using a voice recorder), she recommends that you gently roll your body into another of your favorite sleeping positions, at which point you may recall even more dreams.  She says that our sleeping position appears to have an impact on the kinds of dreams we have (!)

If you are wondering, why bother recording my dreams? I'll tell you.  You can learn a lot of cool stuff about yourself from your dreams.  If that isn't a good enough reason, try this: reading your old dreams is extremely entertaining.  And if neither of these is compelling, I will simply remind you that Stephanie Meyer's inspiration for Bella and Edward came from a vivid dream that she recorded and then started writing from.  You, too, could make millions and become famous, just by keeping a record of your sleeping stories.  And with that, I bid you not sweet, but lucrative dreams.

Book Junkie

Tonight I had an hour of free time while Dan was with the children at the church for Scouts.  I was already out in the car, and I was trying to decide what to do with my freedom.  The mall?  Target?  Salvation Army?  DSW?  The idea of shopping was not particularly appealing, so I stopped in at the library on my way home.  I thought, I'll just return these two books, pick up the stuff waiting for me on the hold shelf, and be off.  I have so many books already, the last thing I need is to look for more books.  But I meandered over to the stacks anyway, and ended up spending one blissful hour in a single row, leaving with a tower of new books too tall to carry comfortably.

Which row was it? you  may be asking yourself (just pretend).  Our library system uses Dewey decimal call numbers and I was in the first row of nonfiction, so the 000-200 range.  The Dewey system uses numbers, and is divided into ten big categories (as opposed to the Library of Congress system which uses letters followed by numbers and is divided into 21 main categories).  Here are the Dewey categories:

000 Generalities
100 Philosophy & Psychology
200 Religion
300 Social Sciences
400 Language
500 Natural Science & Mathematics
600 Technology (Applies Sciences)
700 The Arts
800 Literature & Rhetoric
900 Geography & History

Within each broad Dewey category, there are 100 sub-categories.  In the 000s, for instance, there is a subcategory for 000, 001, 002 and so on to 099.  Some of the subcategory titles are quite interesting.  007-009 are "not assigned or no longer used," as are 024, 029, and 040-049.  I can't help but wonder, if they are no longer in use, what were they used for originally, and why are they not being used any more?  093 is "Incunabula."  What is that?  (Now that I've asked, I must Google the word to answer my own question)

According to Phil Barber, incunabula refers to all of the printed books of the 15th century, starting with the Gutenberg Bible in 1455 and ending with books made in the year 1500.  This word was created by 17th- century book collectors to replace the synonymous term "fifteeners".  Hmmm.  How many of you already knew that?
 
For your entertainment (so entertaining!), here is a breakdown of the numbers and the books I brought home today:


011 Bibliographies: 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die (Peter Boxall, editor)
028 Reading: Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader (Anne Fadiman)
154 Subconscious & Altered States: The Universal Dream Key: The 12 Most Common Dream Themes Around the World (Patricia Garfield)
158 Applied Psychology: Dream Big: O's Guide to Discovering Your Best Life (the editors of O, The Oprah Magazine) and Romancing the Ordinary: A Year of Simple Splendor (Sarah Ban Breathnach)

As I sat in the middle of the 100s tonight, Philosophy & Psychology, I just kept reading title after title to myself and thinking, I could not be going into a more perfect field of study.  I just can't get enough of books like this.  I cannot say the same for history, which was the subject of my first (aborted) Ph.D. attempt.  I've honestly never had that much interest in history.  That should have been my first clue...

Each time I browse the shelves and bring home a stack of books, I am filled with excitement.  I wish I could devour the whole stack in one night.  Even getting through one book a night would be lovely.  But, sadly, many of the books end up returned without ever being opened.  This has to do with a common (problematic) theme in my life: all or nothing.  I either read every word and take copious notes, or I don't open the book at all.  I am going to try to skim my books this time, just for practice.  There are so many books, and so little time.

A Troubled Marriage

Although I do quite of bit of my own reading, I never read my own books 40-50 times in a row the way I do the children's.  Tonight's post may be a testament to the fact that I have spent a bit too much time with the Berenstain Bears.  I am troubled by what is happening in Mama and Papa Bear's marriage. 

In the early days, they were both competent and hard-working.  Take The Berenstain Bears' New Baby, first published in 1974.  Papa Bear and Mama Bear seem well-matched in this book.  Papa has made a home for them from a large tree, and furnished it with his own handiwork.  He takes Small Bear out into the woods one morning to make him a bigger bed.  He sharpens his axe on the grinding stone, he tests it to see if it is sharp, he chops down a tree and splits it into boards, he makes a new bed for Small Bear, chipping and shaving it smooth and neat, and finally carrying it back to the house and up to Small Bear's room.  While in the woods, Papa Bear has a man-to-man discussion with his son about the upcoming arrival of a new baby.

Mama, meanwhile, brings the vegetables in from the garden, has breakfast on the table when the men come down the stairs in the morning, and while they are gone for the day, manages to move the small bed to a new room, give birth, and get the baby all dressed, complete with a pink bow, in time for the men's arrival.  There is a comforting image of Papa Bear with his arm wrapped around Mama Bear as they watch Small Bear meeting his new sister for the first time.  Another tender scene is depicted of them saying good night to Small Bear, Mama Bear holding the sleeping baby, Papa Bear still with his arm wrapped lovingly around Mama.  They are a unit.  They are two adults who love each other and work together for the good of the family.

Now it is 1981 and the story is The Berenstain Bears and the Sitter.  They are older now, but Mama and Papa are still working as a team.  While Mama is on the phone trying to find a sitter, Papa is explaining to the cubs why they can't go with them to the town hall meeting.  Now Papa and Mama are walking off together to attend their meeting.  At the town hall, they are on the same page, both worrying about how the cubs are doing back home.  They go together to call home, Papa dialing, ear to the receiver, Mama behind him with her hand resting on his shoulder.  At the end of the book, we see Mama and Papa walking back home from the meeting, arm in arm.

It is still 1981, and now The Berenstain Bears Go To The  Doctor.   Mama and Papa Bear are still working together, tucking the cubs into bed, driving them to the doctor's office the next morning, sitting next to each other in the waiting room.  But Mama is a bit more of the heavy than Papa now, a tad more mature and competent.  She announces tomorrow's visit to the doctor, while Papa assures the cubs that there is nothing to worry about.  Sister asks Mama if she ever gets checkups.  "Yes, I do," Mama answers.  Papa, on the other hand, brags that he doesn't need checkups anymore because he never gets sick.  In the middle of this statement, he sneezes, and Mama comments on what a sneeze it is.  Papa assures the family it is just the dusty road.  The next time he sneezes, Mama says "Bless you!" and Papa blames the bright sunlight.  In the illustration, his eyes are wide and sincere, while Mama looks back at him over her shoulder with a frown on her face and a look of mild disgust.  Papa keeps sneezing and claiming that he never gets sick, but eventually the doctor insists on examining him.  He has a fever, a red throat, and a stuffy nose.  On the final page, Papa is home in bed, the cubs are feeding him some gooey pink medicine, and Mama is standing behind them looking rather satisfied with herself, holding a thermometer.  Papa, smiling weakly, says "Well, I hardly ever get sick."

Here we are just starting to see a subtle shift to what becomes a pervasive pattern in future books.  Over time, Mama becomes the lone parent, while Papa devolves into the incompetent third (or fourth, after Baby Honey is born) child.  Papa gets more and more buffoon-ish, while Mama grows increasingly aloof.  You don't see them touching each other like they used to.  They seem less and less well-matched.  What is the cause of this?  Has Mama never gotten over giving birth to Sister Bear alone while Papa was out in the woods for the day?  Has Papa had an accident we are not aware of, resulting in a closed-head injury that has fundamentally altered his personality?  Is the marriage of Mama & Papa Bear's creators, Stan & Jan, on the rocks?

Mama may have looked cute in her blue and white polka-dotted mumu as a younger bear, but after all these years of marriage and family life, has she completely given up on herself?  Why can't she ever wear anything attractive, sexy even?  It is like she is not a woman anymore.  She is Mama, and that is all.  She doesn't even remember her first name, and neither does Papa.

Papa, on the other hand, has been emasculated.  Mama's low expectations of him over the years have rendered him as incompetent as the cubs, if not more.  She is the voice of authority and reason now, and he is nothing but the comic relief.  I ask you, dear readers: How much longer can a marriage like this survive?

I don't think that will happen for quite a while

I do not love to play with my kids, but I do love to read to them.

For some time now, I have been wanting to write about one of my favorite mothers in all of children's literature.  I don't know her name, but she was created by Russell Hoban in the 1960s and is the mother of Frances the Badger.  She is also, incidentally, the mother of Gloria, but I don't get the sense that Gloria gives her quite the run for her money that Frances does.

My favorite moment in all of her excellent mothering occurs in the story Bread and Jam for Frances.  Frances is singing annoying little songs about and refusing to eat all of the delicious food her mother prepares for her, opting instead for bread and jam at every meal.  After Frances rejects first a soft-boiled egg for breakfast, a chicken-salad sandwich for lunch, and finally breaded veal cutlets with string beans and a baked potato at dinner, her mother tries a new strategy.  The next day, Frances gets bread and jam instead of a poached egg for breakfast, she gets bread and jam (and milk) in her lunchbox at school, and she gets a nice snack of bread and jam after school.  At this point she asks her mother, "Aren't you worried that maybe I will get sick and all my teeth will fall out from eating so much bread and jam?"  To this her mother sweetly replies, "I don't think that will happen for quite a while, so eat it all up and enjoy it."

This is the part of the book where I start laughing and can't stop.  I say this little line to myself throughout the day after reading this book, and it always brings a smile: "I don't think that will happen for quite a while."

That night at dinner, instead of the spaghetti and meatballs the rest of the family is having, Frances gets bread and jam.  When she begins to cry, her mother says, "My goodness!  Frances is crying!"  When Frances asks for spaghetti and meatballs like everyone else, her mother responds, so innocently, "I had no idea you liked spaghetti and meatballs!"  This time when she serves Frances her dinner, Frances eats it all up with no complaints, and, more importantly, no annoying little songs.

This badger mother is a genius: she is devious, she is innocent, she is sincere, she is ruthless.  She is a psychologist and an actress to boot.  Characters like her make reading a pleasure.

More on Intuitive Eating: Getting Rid of Your Scale

If you are interested in learning more about intuitive eating, Wikipedia has a short article that you may want to look at here.  The article mentions a number of different authors and titles, many of which I have checked out from the library and am starting to work my way through.

I finished reading Geneen Roth's book (Women Food and God) on the plan ride home from Tampa.  During the next week I worked to apply the concepts I had learned from her:

Geneen Roth's Seven Guidelines to Natural Eating

1. Eat when you are hungry. (Truly hungry, body hungry not mind hungry)

2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.

3. Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspaper, books, intense   or anxiety producing  conversation and music.

4. Eat only what your body wants. (Big difference from what your MIND wants!)

5. Eat until you are satisfied. (This is different than full).

6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.

7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure. 

I lost about six pounds without ever feeling hungry or deprived (or sick or depressed from overeating).  The next week, Eli & Dan had their back-to-back birthdays and I made a bunch of chocolate cupcakes and brownies.  I pretty much ate those things all day for two days and gained some weight back and felt sick and unhappy.  Each time I weighed myself and saw that I was not continuing to lose weight, I felt like my new eating goals were not working.  At about the same time, I started a 14-week Biggest Loser Competition with some friends.  The starting weight I entered was my new low weight, pre-birthday-chocolate-binge.  After a week, I weighed in at +0.5 pounds.  I tried to feel happy about the fact that the six pounds I had initially lost were still gone, but I was sad that I hadn't lost another six pounds the second week, and I started thinking that this new system was failing me (or rather I was failing the new system). 

The third week I pretty much gave up and weighed in at +3.5 pounds, still down from when I first returned from Florida, but sad nontheless.  I started reading Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch.  Where Roth speaks from personal experience as one who has struggled with compulsive binging and dieting throughout her life, Tribole and Resch are registered dietitians who discovered many of the same eating principles by working with clients in private practice. 

There is a section in Tribole and Resch's book called "The Scale as False Idol":

"'Please, please, let the number be...'  This wishful prayer is not occurring in the casinos of Las Vegas, but in private homes throughout the country.  But just like the desperate gambler waiting for his lucky number to come in, so is it futile for the dieter to pay homage to the 'scale god.'  In one sweep of the scale roulette, hopes and desperation create a daily drama that will ultimately shape what mood you'll be in for the day.  Ironically, 'good' and 'bad' scale numbers can both trigger overeating--whether it's a congratulatory eating celebration or a consolation party.  The scale ritual sabotages body and mind efforts; it can in one moment devalue days, weeks, and even months of progress...Weighing in on the scale only serves to keep you focused on your weight; it doesn't help with the process of getting back in touch with Intuitive Eating.  Constant weigh-ins can leave you frustrated and impede your progress.  Best bet--stop weighing yourself" (pages 66-70).

This description of what the numbers on the scale do to me is right on.  Regardless of how good I feel about my efforts to relate to food in a new way, regardless of the progress I might be making, I get on the scale several times a day and feel like a failure.  After reading this, I took my scale down to the basement and have not gotten on it for nearly a week.  I have noticed this week that without the scale, I am more able to turn my focus inward on how I am doing with my new eating goals.  When I eat too much of something that makes me feel sick (usually sweets), instead of rushing to the scale to confirm my worst fears, I can be more philosophical about how, in spite of telling myself that the sweets will comfort me in some way, they really just make my stomach (and my heart) hurt. 

Tomorrow morning I am supposed to weigh in again for my Biggest Loser competition.  I don't think this competition is exactly in harmony with the things I am trying to learn and change in my life, but I don't want to bail out on my friends.  I feel anxious for tomorrow, knowing that if the scale is up from last week I will feel like a failure.  I know that feeling like that is not helping me--is harming me, actually.  I am not motivated to "eat better" by a high number on the scale.  I feel like the number on the scale tells me whether or not this new philosophy is "working" (i.e. making me lose weight), that this (what I see as) enlightened way of thinking about food is true if I lose weight, and not if I don't.  But in my heart I feel that it is true and good for me to learn to live and eat this way, regardless of what the scale says, and according to the adherents of this philosophy, over time I will lose weight.  But it is a process.  Each "failure" is a learning opportunity, a step in the right direction.  As I write this, my stomach is upset because I ate one too many Lindt truffle balls an hour ago.  I am thinking about my weigh-in tomorrow and how that truffle ball is going to tip the scale in the wrong direction.  Without the scale, I think it might be easier to learn a lesson from the extra truffle ball and keep moving in the right direction, toward wholeness, toward wellness, toward freedom from some of the demons that plague me.

I am not an artist, but in my mind's eye I can see a reptilian monster with open mouth and sharp fangs.  He is trying to put me in his mouth.  The scales that cover his body look like the one on the floor of my bathroom, the same unacceptable number in each little window on each little scale.  I think this guy does belong in the basement, or maybe even at Salvation Army or a land fill somewhere. 

Intuitive Eating

Written May 30, 2010:

Dan and I recently took a trip to Tampa for a conference of his on Clearwater Beach.  We enjoyed our time together, but realized we probably don't need more than 24-48 hours of alone time before we're ready to be reunited with the little ones.  By the end of our five days we couldn't wait to see them.

I read a new book on our trip that was recommended by a friend called Women Food and God by Geneen Roth.  Roth is a leading voice in the anti-diet/ normal eating/ intuitive eating movement.  Adherents of this way of thinking claim that dieting (and the binging it inspires when the diet fails) leads to obesity and negative self-image.  She encourages people to stop dieting, to stop thinking of foods as "bad" or "good" and instead to learn to really listen to their body.  Feed your body when you are hungry, and stop eating when you are satisfied.  Eat what your body is craving.  Eat sitting down, pay attention to what you are eating, focus on the experience.

Roth's book deals a lot with emotional eating, eating that has nothing to do with the body's need for food.  I really recognized a lot of what she was talking about.

Latest Favorites

First on the list of our latest library book favorites is The Dog Child by Simon Black, illustrated by Honorio Robledo. I thought this book was cute, and a little bit weird, but it was a big hit with the boys. It is about a couple who treats their dog as though she is their daughter, even sending her to kindergarten. Finally they have a human baby, and the dog gets to go back to being a regular pet.


The next book that merits mention comes with a warning. I am not actually recommending this book. This is by far the most violent picture book I have ever laid eyes on. I actually couldn't believe what I was seeing. Because of this, I have been showing it to everyone who comes over. That has launched the book to celebrity status in our house, and Adam has begged for it ever since. I actually don't recommend that you read it to your child, but you might want to look at it just for shock value: The Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig by Eugene Trivizas.


My third recommendation is this nonfiction book about a group of children who grew vegetables together one summer: A Harvest of Color: Growing a Vegetable Garden by Melanie Eclare.

Anne Lamott: Sit Down and Write

I would like to start out by thanking my friend Eileen for recommending that I read Anne Lamott.  I had never heard of her, but Eileen gave her such a rousing endorsement that I took notice.  I got Bird by Bird: Instructions on Writing and Life, read some (or all?) of it, laughed a lot, and forgot about Anne Lamott for a season.  That was many years ago.

More recently, while searching The Readers' Choice: 200 Book Club Favorites by Victoria McMains for titles to recommend to my book group, I noticed Operating Instructions: A Journal of my Son's First Year by Anne Lamott.  It looked good, and I remembered having heard of her before...(see how keen my memory is?)

I read the book.  I almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard in places.  I also found great comfort in it, and hope.  You will not want to read the book if you try to avoid profanity as a rule.  But you will be missing out on one of the truest accounts of first-time motherhood I've ever read.

Now I'm in the middle of reading Bird by Bird again.  This time I have not forgotten who Anne Lamott is.  When I read something that I want to remember, I try to write it down.  But I'm not sure where to start writing or where to stop with this book.  I think I just need to memorize most of it.  On the second page of the introduction, Lamott writes of her father, who was also a writer:

"He could go anyplace he wanted with a sense of purpose.  One of the gifts of being a writer is that it gives you an excuse to do things, to go places and explore.  Another is that writing motivates you to look closely at life, at life as it lurches by and tramps around.  Writing taught my father to pay attention..."

Have you felt this as a blogger, an historian, as a diarist or journal-keeper?  When you are in the habit of writing things down, do you find that you notice more of what is happening around you?  How frequently do you say to yourself, "this will make a great post" and pay special attention, or get out your camera, just to better capture the moment?  If I write something down, I remember it.  The rest is lost.

Lamott's father got out of bed every morning at 5:30 so that he could spend a few hours writing before the rest of the family woke up.  She tells her writing students that in order to write, they need to sit down.  "You try to sit down at approximately the same time every day.  This is how you train your unconscious to kick in for you creatively" (6).

I was reading something recently about making sure that we are not so caught up in the busyness of life that we neglect the most important things.  I asked myself, what important thing am I neglecting?  The answer came in a flash, and it was unexpected: Writing.  The answer surprised me because writing is something that brings me a great deal of pleasure, so I don't usually think of it as important.   I like thinking of it as something that I am supposed to do, something that God has given me to bring me happiness, something that he wants me to spend time on.  I like the idea that by doing something I love to do, I could also be doing something good for others.

So I am going to try to sit down a little more frequently to write, instead of waiting until I think something "blog-worthy" has happened.  And if you enjoy what I write, please let me know.  And keep reading!

Books, Books about Books, Lists of Books

I like to read books.  

I like to read books about books: Nancy Pearl's Book Lust is a great example.

I like to make lists of books that I've read.  Unlike my sister Karen, who keeps her book list in a dedicated journal, I have always made my lists on random pieces of paper that get lost.  Now, however, I keep track of my books on a website for readers called Goodreads.com, which, hopefully, will never get lost.

I like to collect lists of books to read in the future.  One of my favorite Christmas presents of all time is a list my above-mentioned sister Karen made me of her ten favorite books in each of 6 different categories.  If you have a list of favorites to share, please pass it on!

Besides lists of favorite books made by friends, I have a special affinity for "must-read" lists made by  book "authorities" of some kind.  One I recently discovered (and spent over an hour perusing) is Time Magazine's Best 100 English-Language Novels from 1923 to "the present" (list published in October 2005).  This is a particularly nice list as it gives a brief synopsis of each book, alerting me to the fact that I do not actually want to read Lolita, no matter how many times I've seen it listed.

One of my mental hobbies is thinking up different reading lists or themes for imaginary book clubs.  Here are some of my ideas:

*Books about by authors from a different country each month.   I just found a blog tonight for a group in Scotland that does this very thing: Round the World Book Group.
*Books that have been made into movies.  I might start with The Painted Veil by W. Somerset Maugham or The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro.   
*Books in thematic pairs.  One pair of books I'd like to read and discuss is Life of Pi by Yann Martel and Max and the Cats by Moacyr Scliar (some say Martel plagiarized Scliar).   Another pair I've been thinking of is Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy with Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert (married women having affairs and committing suicide).
*Dystopian Fiction: 1984, A Brave New World, The Giver, The Handmaid's Tale...
*Memoir
*Books with strong religious or spiritual themes
*Multiple books by the same author
*Books about the craft of writing.  The one I'm reading right now and loving is Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

The FlyLady Teaches Me About Perfectionism

One thing that I'm starting to realize about myself is that I have some perfectionist tendencies and they get in my way. This perfectionism does not take the form of "I will work myself into a frenzy and my stress level will go through the roof to do this task perfectly," but rather, "I don't have the strength, time, motivation or resources to do this task perfectly, so I won't do it at all. In fact, I may just do the exact opposite of this task. But don't worry, I won't enjoy myself, since the task I am avoiding is hanging over my head the whole time."

One of the things that sold me so quickly on the FlyLady's book was her understanding of this whole mindset and how it affects something as simple as cleaning the house (simple for you, maybe). Here are some of my favorite things she says about it:

FlyLady: "I have found over the last 2 years that perfectionism is the main reason our homes are in bad shape... Perfectionism is the reason we are depressed and perfectionism keeps us from making things better" (14).

PotatoGirl: Intriguing possibility. (evil voice: Handy excuse, too.)

FL: "What!? You are not a perfectionist! As strange as it may seem, I will guarantee that you have traits that those so-called perfectionist, Born-Organized People (BO) have. There is a fine line that separates you from BOs and it has to do with where we measure up on the perfectionism tally. BOs tend to be compulsive about getting it clean and keeping it that way, while some of us won't even start a job unless we have enough time to do the job correctly. So we do nothing! Or we are trying to do too many things at once and nothing ever gets finished so we just give up and say, 'What's the use?'" (16).

PG: [Nodding in agreement about doing nothing, giving up, saying "what's the use?"]

FL: "You may have picked up this book in your never-ending struggle to find the magic formula to fix your family and your home."

PG: I can't count how many books I've read on this topic.

FL: "But, sweetie, the problem with your home has nothing to do with idleness on your part."

PG: Really? But don't you find it problematic that instead of working on that pile of dishes in my kitchen, I am sitting here on the couch reading this book? That seems like idleness to me.

FL: "I hear what you hear over and over again--the reason your home is trashed is because of your laziness."

PG: This woman is reading my thoughts. "Lazy" is one of my favorite mean labels for myself.

FL: "I know for a fact that I have never been lazy and I will wager the same about you."

PG: That is kind of you, but I'm not so sure...again, look at me sitting here reading this book, ignoring the disaster that is my kitchen.

FL: "Your problem is that you don't know what to do first and when you decide on a course of action, you are continually spinning your wheels and unable to finish anything. By the end of the day you are exhausted, the house is still trashed, and you have accomplished nothing."

PG: [Somewhat stunned]. This is exactly how I feel. FlyLady and I are the same person! I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off most of the time. I feel paralyzed by the chaos and by the thought that no matter where I start, I won't finish everything that needs to be done, and in the meantime, the kids will be messing it up more. I find myself walking into the kitchen, determined to face it, taking one look at it, turning around, and going back to the couch and my book, completely overwhelmed yet also disgusted with myself.

**************
Okay, well I'm tired now and I need to go to bed. I'm sorry to leave you right here in the pit of my perfectionism-induced despair, but stay tuned for a hopeful ending!

Goodbye Television, My Nemesis

It all started with an icky feeling that letting my children sit, jaws slack, eyes glazed over for hours at a time in front of a flickering screen, was not the best choice I could be making as a mother. But fighting them was so hard, and the peace and quiet purchased at the cost of my aggravated conscience was so guaranteed, so total, so immediate, it was nearly impossible to resist. I have given away television sets before, only to buy new ones a few months later. I have canceled our cable and not tried to use bunny ears to get a picture. I have set rules and systems governing amount of screen time, type of screen time, timing of screen time. I have agonized over content, wondering what is too violent, what is educational, what makes them more hyper or more prone to fight with each other. But in the end, if I am tired, if I "need" a break, if I want to escape, I let them at it and enjoy (with a guilty conscience) my vacation.

If you know me, you know that I like to do research. Screen time became a pet topic for me, and in my trolling of the library holdings on the subject, I came across The Plug-In Drug by Marie Winn:


It sat with its companions on my shelf at home for a long time until I finally took it with me on a road trip in read it in the car. The book changed my life. I am not prepared to tell you everything I learned reading this book (it is late and I am tired), but it did help me understand the guilty conscience I've had about using a screen to babysit my children all these years. Since I finished the book in August, I've been wanting to get rid of our television, but I keep talking myself out of this move for being too drastic. Besides, I reason, our lovely computer plays DVDs, so there would really be no point in getting rid of the TV because we could just abuse the computer screen instead.

Last week was a busy one for me, and I was counting on Friday to get a lot of housework done. Friday morning Eli woke up vomiting. That sort of threw a wrench in my day, and I ended up plunking him down in my bed with the television and a stack of movies. Esther, of course, made a bee line for the bed, and Naomi is a little angel child who never fusses or cries, so I sat down at the computer, freed from the demands of my typically needy children, to "check my email." The day went poorly for me. We watched our separate screens virtually all day long, and the next morning I was mad. I was mad at myself and I was mad at that screen for stealing my day and my children away from me. Now, getting rid of myself would be a bit tricky, but I knew I could get rid of the screen. So I finally sat down and wrote an email offering my television, DVD/VHS player, and DVD player to anyone who would care to take them off my hands. By Sunday afternoon the television and DVD/VHS player was gone, and today I dropped off the second DVD players at a friend's.

To be truly screen-free, we would have to get rid of the computer I am using to write this post. I honestly cannot picture doing that, although there are days when I wonder if it wouldn't be worth the extreme inconvenience. But one nice thing about the computer is that I have child locks on it that allow each boy 30 minutes of screen time a day. When that time is over they cannot get back on, even if they are being supremely sneaky, because they don't know my password. Another nice thing is that with only one screen in the house, I can't stick them in front of one and then stick myself in front of another. With the resource more scarce, we're going to have more competition for it, and hopefully less mindless wasting of hours and days.

If this post sounds radical to you (it kind of does to me), it is probably because I have not taken the time to walk you through Marie Winn's wonderful book and all I learned while reading it. It is not a radical or guilt-inducing book. It is a thought-provoking book, and I've given it a lot of thought. The things she says in her book ring true to me, and give form and weight and deeper meaning to many of the upsetting feelings I've had about the relationship our family has had with television over the years. I have been trying to implement things I learned from her over the months, and explaining my actions to my children as I go, so there wasn't much of an outcry this weekend at what I'd done. When Esther and Adam saw two big boxes of movies get handed from the back of our van to the back of another, there was a moment of panic, but they were easily pacified by the reassurance that the other family would give the movies back to us if we wanted them (no need to mention that I don't want them back). Dan, with the wisdom gained from watching my television purges of the past, did ask me to sign a statement promising that a certain amount of time would elapse before I went and bought yet another new television. I assured him that since reading Winn's book, I have no plans for such a purchase until the baby is a teenager and her brain is safely developed, free of "the plug-in drug."

Marla Cilley, The FlyLady

I have just finished reading Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley, aka The FlyLady. A friend recommended this book to me several years ago. When it was obvious I hadn't done much with her recommendation, she loaned me her copy of the book. The book is pink, rather hard to miss, and it has been sitting on a shelf by my bed for several months. Untouched. Let's face it, there is a giant picture of a stainless steel kitchen sink on the front cover and it is about cleaning your house. Not exactly what I've been in the mood for. In January, while Dan and I were on our vacation, my mom read the book while watching the kids. I must admit, her admonitions upon my return that I read it were kind of a turn off, but at the same time, I was intrigued, and I can always use more suggestions in the homemaking department.

When I finally decided to read the darn book, it took less than a chapter to realize I had found a new soul mate. I don't know if Mormon women are really particularly good at balancing the care of a large family with the keeping of a beautiful home and the maintenance of a cute figure, but it seems like they are to me. I can't help but feel like a bit of a dysfunctional ugly duckling. I have often wondered if I am the only (Mormon) woman in the world who can't keep her house clean, and I'm not talking about the kind of deep cleaning that is only visible to people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. I'm talking about you drop by to visit and it looks like our home was recently struck by a tornado. As Dan likes to say, "the good thing about our house is that if a robber broke in, he would take one look at the living room and assume that someone else had beat him to the punch." Ah, the ransacked look. So cozy. So inviting.

So, back to my new soul mate, the FlyLady. There is so much about her to love, but my favorite right now is the fact that she knows I am a perfectionist, she knows that my perfectionism gets me paralyzed with indecision ("Where to start...I know, I'll sit on the couch and look out the window!" ), and she says set a timer for 15 minutes and tackle one small job until it goes off. The 15 minute approach has really been helping me, and the boys like it too. She also says that cleaning your house the "wrong" way still blesses your family, and describes imperfect cleaning methods that work just fine, like wiping off the bathroom sink with the dirty hand towel at the end of the day. She is also encouraging me to get rid of anything in our home that is not blessing us. Dan is thoroughly enjoying pointing out things that are not "blessing" our home, such as the broken floor lamp that has been propped up next to the dresser in our bedroom for several months (in the garbage, baby, oh yes), or a bottle in our kitchen cupboard that Naomi wouldn't even drink out of when she was small enough to use it (um, not in the garbage yet, come to think of it).

If you ever find yourself feeling like your messy house is going to bury you alive and you don't know where to start, I highly recommend making friends with the FlyLady. You may find her website overwhelming at first, so start with the book if you can.

The Toxic Sandbox by Libby McDonald

I have to return this book to the library today because someone else has requested it. The Toxic Sandbox is about environmental toxins and how they affect our children's health. The author focuses her research on the following toxins: LEAD, MERCURY, certain chemicals in PLASTICS (phthalates, especially the three most potent ones, which are diethyl phthalate DEHP, dibutyl phthalate DBP, and benzylbutyl phthalate BBP, as well as bisphenol A), PCBs (polychlorinated biphenyls), brominated FLAME RETARDANTS (PBDEs), AIR POLLUTION, and PESTICIDES.

Since February I have been trying to make small choices to protect my family and the environment, to live a more "green" lifestyle. It is overwhelming when I try to figure out everything at once. There is so much material in this book, for example, that I feel like giving up and burying my head in the "toxic" sand like an ostrich. But I must remember Baby Steps! So here is my assessment of what I'm doing in each of these areas.

LEAD. We live in a 1950s ranch, and I'm afraid it is completely contaminated with lead-based paint, dust, et cetera, but I don't know for sure. So far I have done nothing about this. McDonald suggests that I start by finding out exactly what I'm dealing with in terms of the lead in this house. I can find out by buying a home testing kit at the hardware store, or by hiring someone to come out and do a full assessment (look in the yellow pages under Environmental Products & Services). I think that needs to be my first step.

I feel less overwhelmed by the MERCURY thing. I've read the list of contaminated fish several times before today, and I at least know not to buy "albacore" canned tuna. After that I get confused about how much of each kind of fish is safe for each family member to eat. McDonald suggests a simple formula that I can remember: don't eat any of the high-mercury fish ever. Eat the moderate-mercury fish no more than once a month. Eat the low-mercury fish no more than once a week. There are a lot of fish on each of these lists, but the only ones we really eat are canned tuna, salmon, clams, shrimp, and fish sticks. Of those, canned albacore tuna is on the high-mercury list (don't eat ever). Canned light tuna is on the moderate-mercury/ once a month list. Clams, "Pacific" or "wild caught" salmon (NOT "Atlantic" or "farmed" salmon), shrimp, and fish sticks/ fish sandwiches are on the low-mercury list to be eaten no more than once a week. To keep track of when we're eating it, I'm thinking of instituting a Catholic fish Friday type of deal at my house. I've also switched from buying canned tuna to buying canned alaskan salmon (boneless skinless!) so that we can eat "tuna" salad sandwiches more than once a month.

As for the PLASTICS I've been thinking about this, but still feeling overwhelmed by it. I am trying to not buy anything new made of plastic. I'm turning my mind to glass, wood, and metal alternatives. This past Saturday I got rid of all of the plastic toys in the house that the children rarely use and took them to Salvation Army. I'm about to replace my dirty old vinyl shower curtain with a new one, and I'll make sure it is the safe kind. I've been thinking about storing leftovers in our glass containers instead of plastic ones, but I haven't done it yet. McDonald says that more harmful chemicals leach out of plastic when it is heated, so avoid putting hot things into plastic or microwaving plastic. It is probably time for me to just switch all hot foods or foods that I plan to heat up to glass, and use the plastic containers for cold things that will never be heated. I've been saving large glass jars from pickles, etc., instead of recycling them, to use for this purpose. Just FYI, before I move on to the next topic, the phthalates are in soft plastics, like vinyl. Bisphenol A is in polycarbonate, the hard, shiny plastic. Here are some helpful websites: For phthalate-free beauty products go to The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics; for phthalate-free toys and home products try Clean Production Action or Greenpeace. For a quick reference on plastic products check out The Green Guide.

For now, I don't have the time or energy to do a thorough reading about PCBs and flame retardants (PBDEs), so here is just a bit of info if you're interested. PCBs were banned by the federal government in 1977, but they are still around. To keep away from them, avoid farmed salmon, which includes all "Atlantic" salmon. Avoid the fatty tissue of meat and dairy products, i.e. choose low or fat-free options (or be a vegan like Michelle!). Get rid of dust around your home.

AIR POLLUTION in one sentence or less: drive less, beware of smelly school bus emissions, don't idle your car.

PESTICIDES can be reduced by buying organic foods. For more on this, see my post on Potato Girl in Michigan about the Dirty Dozen.

Well, that concludes my review of The Toxic Sandbox by Libby McDonald. Good luck, and please write in with any tips you may have for me.

One of the best recipes, Ever

I love to check out cookbooks from the library. Rarely do I find one that I would actually like to own. But the recipe that I'm about to share with you is from such a wonderful cookbook that I've renewed it too many times to count--I think I'm going on a year now. Here is the title: Lidia's Family Table by Lidia Matticchio Bastianich (Alfred A. Knopf, New York: 2004). Here is the recipe that we love. But wait, before I write it, I must tell you that since the first time I ever made this recipe, I have made it nearly weekly. It is a staple of our diet. As soon as it runs out, we are ready for more. Okay, here is the recipe:

Soup Base of Garlicky White Beans and Broth

For Cooking the Beans:
1 pound (about 2 1/2 cups) dry white beans, soaked overnight
4 quarts cold water, plus more if needed
3 bay leaves
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons salt, plus more if needed

For the Garlicky Soffritto:
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
6 big garlic cloves, sliced
1/4 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes

Instructions:

Cooking the Beans: Drain the soaked beans and put them in the pot with the water, bay leaves, and olive oil. Cover the pot, and bring it to a boil over high heat, stirring occasionally [Andrea's note: if I'm not paying attention, mine always froth up and boil over, so keep an eye on this first stage--stirring prevents this]. When the water is at a full boil, set the cover ajar, adjust the heat to maintain a steady gentle boiling, and cook for an hour more, until the beans are tender. Stir in the salt, uncover, and continue cooking at a bubbling boil for another hour or more, until the beans and broth have reduced to 3 quarts. Lower the heat as the liquid evaporates and the soup base thickens, stirring now and then to prevent scorching [Andrea's note: I burned mine once because I wasn't careful enough about scraping the beans off the bottom of the pot when I stirred].

Flavoring the Base with the Soffritto: When the soup base is sufficiently reduced, make the soffritto. Heat the olive oil and the sliced garlic in a skillet over medium heat for 2 mintures or so, shaking the pan now and then, until the slices are sizzling. Drop in the red pepper flakes, stir with the garlic, and cook another minute, or until the garlic is just starting to color [Andrea's note: don't overcook the garlic or it will get bitter]. From the soup pot, ladle out a cup of the simmering bean broth and pour it into the skillet. Let it sizzle and start to boil, shake and stir up the soffritto, and cook if for a couple of minutes in the broth. Then pour it all back into the bean pot, scraping in every bit of the soffritto, or just rinse the skillet out with more broth. Simmer the soup base for another 5 minutes with the soffritto, then remove from the heat. The base is ready for a finished soup now.

Now, to make what Lidia calls "a finished soup", just add stuff to the base, and adjust salt and pepper to taste. Some of the additions we've loved: any kind of greens (beet greens, chard, spinach, mustard greens, kale, etc.); zucchini; cauliflower; squash; elbow macaroni. Lidia recommends chicken or shrimp (we haven't tried those, yet). For super extra yumminess, garnish each individual serving with some chopped bacon and parmesan cheese.